Do not as I do...

Good Lord - another Republican sex scandal? What is it about the family values crowd that causes such an abundance of pent-up, twisted behavior?

From propositioning strangers in public restrooms, to patronizing escort services while "happily" married, to stalking underage Congressional pages, to gay coitus with drug dealers, to plain ol' extramarital affairs, Republican officials and spokespersons seem to have cornered the market on moral hypocrisy. To wit:

The chairman of the Clark County Republican Party - who last month was elected president of the Young Republican National Federation - has resigned both posts, apparently in the wake of a criminal investigation...

Clark County Sheriff's Department on Friday began investigating Murphy for alleged criminal deviate conduct - potentially a class B felony - after speaking with a 22-year-old man who claimed that on July 31, Murphy performed an unwanted sex act on him while the man slept in a relative's Jeffersonville home...

In 1998, a 21-year-old male filed a similar report with Clarksville police claiming Murphy attempted to perform a sex act on him while he was sleeping. Charges were never filed in that case.

Now, before you come back at me with the standard "Clinton did it, too" response - which in this case is comparing apples and oranges - let me be the first to say that I'm sure there are countless cases of self-identified Liberals being caught in less-than-acceptable sexual escapades. We do have our Jim McGreevys, I'll grant you.

God knows that even in my 51 years on the planet, I've engaged in some liaisons that wouldn't necessarily pass muster in Des Moines.

The big and important difference, though, is that we "Lib'ruls" don't spend our every waking minute proselytizing about "proper" sexual behavior, a Bible in one hand and a piece of odious, repressive legislation in the other. (Did you know, for example, that oral sex, even between married heterosexual partners, is illegal in Alabama, Arizona, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, Georgia, North and South Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, Utah, Virginia and Washington D.C.? Looks like I'm an even bigger criminal than I thought.)

We Dems don't expend ludicrous amounts of energy prying into the private couplings of consenting adults while extolling our personal beliefs as being the "high moral ground." We don't pretend that sex is something repugnant that can be "disappeared" by pushing abstinence education or restricting contraception or outlawing useful, factual information in our public schools.

And we've certainly never tried to impeach a President for an admittedly tawdry extramarital affair, while engaging in all manner of sexual impropriety ourselves. Yes, Newt, that means you.

Guess it's just one more example (and there are soooooo many these days) of Conservative hypocrisy on obvious display. You know, that whole "living in glass houses" thing.

We Democrats may have our shortcomings. But at least we acknowledge that sex, when consensual, is diverse, healthy, fun - and nobody's Goddamn business. Republicans would be wise to join us here in the 21st Century, and recognize that their ridiculous moral posturing has only created an atmosphere in which the most outspoken moralists on their team are driven to real perversity on an amazingly regular basis.